Yesterday, I had my driving lessons again after 1.5 months of no lessons. From my last post, I dealt with rejection, with trying to motivate myself day in and out at work with the impending end of contract at the back of my mind.
So, at breakfast I told my husband I was nervous about my lesson at noon. I said I was feeling stressed. He just said, no reason to be. Just go and have fun. I knew why I was nervous. I was afraid to make mistakes. He knew it of course but my husband is ever so gentle he just asked, "does your teacher still intervene a lot?" I said very little. "Well, he added, you havent had that much lessons yet." He's right. I need to actually give myself a pat on the back for learning quickly. And I need to remember, thats what lessons are for - to make mistakes! Don't know where it came from, as it certainly brought me relief, I said to myself "You don't need to perform, you don't have to do well." In the end, I did well yestrday. I also didnt realize I knew a lot about driving already at only 10 lessons.
This morning I woke up and told myself that the more I trust myself about my learning curve, like I used to, the faster Ill learn and the more I will enjoy the process. More importantly, I can avoid unnecessary stress. I hope to keep on thinking this way until I unlearn perfectionism and stop masking my insecurities with it.
The pains and scars of my childhood bring challenges today that I have the opportunity to tell a story for you who can relate about how I overcome, rediscover, and shed my old mindset of who I am as I enter new phases of my life...This is my story
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
God's Grace and more...
I would not know how to begin to thank God for His grace or even rave about.
The day when I found out I lost my job, I was so grateful that 1) I scheduled lunch that day with a good friend who comforted me and calmed me down a bit. When I got home 2) my husband literally spent 2 hours on the couch with me just comforting me by listening and planning the next steps for us. He was so supportive of the situation that he acted on it as soon as he could. 3) On my way home, although I know my therapist is super busy, I called to see if my therapist is free. What a coincidence that somebody cancelled. This way, I could see him on Thursday. Perfect!
The next day, although I had a headache, I took it as a sign to relax. My best girl from highschool made sometime for me and thanks to affordable Skype, we could really talk. I was afterwards comforted by my brother. Apart from that, I send numerous SMS to other gfs and I got so many words of affirmation. Its overrated to say that support from loved ones is so important in a very tough moment such as rejection.
I mean, I am just so thankful for what God has brought as a support for me. True that I still feel uncertain about the future, but I am praying that Thy will be done and that He prepares me mentally and emotionally for what is to come...
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
After Rejection
Today I just found out that my job contract would not be renewed. I was shocked. Almost 3 weeks ago, I had a conversation with my boss about working on my reintegration to my old role. When she told me the sad news today, I could only ask questions on what changed.
I asked 3x why she changed her mind, why shes not pushing through with my reintegration program and Im happy I did. Im proud I did. 6 months ago, I wouldnt be able to ask this question at all and just accept what my boss said. I came from a culture where bosses are treated with such respect as a source of authority.
I know, despite my momentary lack of motivation to work because of what happened at the beginning of my career here in the Netherlands, I always had the interest of my teams. I know Im a people manager and that I am an effective coach. I am talented in building relationships in and out of my team, I am a quick learner and I am creative. With my determined spirit and intelligence, I can conquer any challenges in team management.
I realized that processing rejection is not an easy process. I need to feel the hurt and if I can get answers as to why, I need to get them. I have the right to know what to learn from. As what my husband said, there is freedom in this. At least I know that I dont need to fight anymore. I can spend the next 2 months looking for a new opportunity and rebuild a new career path. It is time for a fresh start...
It is important for me to stay not just positive but to keep in my heart Gods promises. God is a good God. His plans are good, pleasing and perfect. He is always in control. As in the verse that I read also today, I will not stop praying....I pray that God gives me the grace to rise above this rejection stronger than ever, that He showers me with favor as I look for a job that will hopefully give me a knowledge migrant visa or that my husband could find a job soon so he can sponsor me in my stay here so I there wont be any gap between now and my new visa but most of all, may I yield to His will.
God surpasses my strength and limitations. And because of that, I am powerful.
I asked 3x why she changed her mind, why shes not pushing through with my reintegration program and Im happy I did. Im proud I did. 6 months ago, I wouldnt be able to ask this question at all and just accept what my boss said. I came from a culture where bosses are treated with such respect as a source of authority.
I know, despite my momentary lack of motivation to work because of what happened at the beginning of my career here in the Netherlands, I always had the interest of my teams. I know Im a people manager and that I am an effective coach. I am talented in building relationships in and out of my team, I am a quick learner and I am creative. With my determined spirit and intelligence, I can conquer any challenges in team management.
I realized that processing rejection is not an easy process. I need to feel the hurt and if I can get answers as to why, I need to get them. I have the right to know what to learn from. As what my husband said, there is freedom in this. At least I know that I dont need to fight anymore. I can spend the next 2 months looking for a new opportunity and rebuild a new career path. It is time for a fresh start...
It is important for me to stay not just positive but to keep in my heart Gods promises. God is a good God. His plans are good, pleasing and perfect. He is always in control. As in the verse that I read also today, I will not stop praying....I pray that God gives me the grace to rise above this rejection stronger than ever, that He showers me with favor as I look for a job that will hopefully give me a knowledge migrant visa or that my husband could find a job soon so he can sponsor me in my stay here so I there wont be any gap between now and my new visa but most of all, may I yield to His will.
God surpasses my strength and limitations. And because of that, I am powerful.
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