When I woke up yesterday, I began to pray and started thanking above for the wonderful blessings that I have...my fiance who's been very supportive with my healing process, our house that's nicely located, my friends back in my hometown, my fun friends here in Singapore, and my family. My life is indeed a life to be grateful about...indeed, life is a gift..
Recently, I made a conscious decision to not take things too personally. Not everything is about me. A word, words that my fiance say/s that I don't seem to like is not about me being unpleasant, wrong, stupid, or idiotic. I need to consciously desuade myself from thinking that mistakes and unpleasant things happen because of me. It is not true. I am a gift to my fiance, my friends, to the people that I consciously affect and subconsciously as well. I can in fact make a difference in my relationships. I am not perfect but things do not go wrong within my relationships because of me. Sometimes, it is their decision that makes it so. How I respond is my responsibility.
When I get almost drowned in my negative thoughts, I shake my head and try to laugh at myself. Not taking myself too seriously helps a lot.
Violence is an escape. Suicide, or inflicting others pain via words or merely thoughts of it is a form of escape. It is also a voice within me telling me that I need to be calm in facing the challenges of the phases of life where I am in.
Acceptance is a big step for me as well; to accept that I can be loved and can be seen as lovable. I need to accept that I can stop protecting myself from getting hurt and I can stop myself from shielding myself from true love.
Healing is an everyday decision...
